August 22, 2006 was my last journal update on here... I feel like I am a world away from where I was then.


August 22, 2007 was the worst day of my life to date at that point in time. My best friend, and the person I love the most in this world, was diagnosed with lung cancer. The year following was devistating, knowing less then 10% of people with the type of lung cancer he had made it past the first year. Glory be to God, he is still with us today, and I cherish every moment I have with him -- though it's not in any way easy knowing his condition.

I have always been a medical disaster, but in the fall of 2007 I out-did myself. I had a couple week vacation from school in the hospital, while also trying out a new medication for a new disease I was diagnosed with... which I just happened to be allergic to and which gave me horrific, as well as insanely painful side effects. Because of all of this I missed the majority of my classes that semester and almost had to drop out [glory be to God that i was able to pass my classes].

November 20, 2007 and June 10, 2008 are two dates that will ever be imprinted in my memory, as two people who were very dear to me passed away on those days... both of which were amazing mentors as well as friends.

On February 7, 2009 my friend committed suicide. I have never asked the question "why" and longed to know the answer as bad as I have this past month. I look at life completely differently now. I have dealt with the bitterness of death, but suicide is a whole different ball game. Safe to say this has been one of the hardest months of my life.


My life isn't all bad... just when I think about my life since Aug. 22, 2006, thats what comes to mind. Many good things have happened, too.

On Aug. 4, 2007 my brother married the love of his life, and I was able to be apart of the happiest day of his life... I truly have never seen him more happy then I saw him on that day.

July 20th, 2008 I met one of the most amazing people I ever have met... and I can say with a genuine smile that she has become one of my closest and dearest friends. I've never met anyone like her, and I love her with everything I have.

September 6th, 2008 the results from the biopsy came back and we found out that my best friend no longer has lung cancer [a complete miracle]. [although it's likely and no doubt will come back, right now, he's cancer free and that in and of itself is a miracle, so why worry about what may come]


I can't think of any more dates, so I guess that's all the main events in the past 2.5 years of my life.

I usually don't sleep at night because I'm in too much physical pain or because I can't stop thinking.
I still have haunting thoughts of Eric and all the abuse he put me through for so many years.
I take my friends' burdens as my own.
I am too busy to have any sort of a social life.
I still can't breathe well on a regular basis.

BUT

I absolutely love school regardless of the fact that it entirely consumes my life.
I have never been to a church that I love more then the one I currently attend.
I am a leader in my cousins youth group and have the most amazing group of girls.
I have the two best friends that anyone could ever ask for... and for the first time in my life I am able to truly believe them when they tell me that they love me.


And above all, God is good. Enough said.

As I look back at the summer, i'm in awe. I'm speechless. God didn't just "show up" at camp, He came and He conquered.

At camp our prayer for the kids is that at the end of the week they will not recognize who they were at the beginning of the week because of the work and change that Christ has done in them... He not only changed countless campers lives, but basically the entire staff as well.

Until this summer, I have never experienced the fullness of Proverbs 27:17...
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

All I can do is smile and praise God for the work He did this summer. Words cannot express. I don't know why I try.

And as the cry of the staff was this summer...
all GLORY BE to God

i'm leavin for the summer. i hate to go, but i will soon hate to return.
so i go knowing it's His will. and then go with ease. please pray as there is always tons of spiritual warfare. i love you all - thanks for being there for me even when you didn't know it. it's truly meant a lot. even though you don't think i'm talking to you, i am.

okay so while looking for an old record down stairs in the storage room i came across a really old expensive cannon camera... with two different flashes w/ 5 different flash colors, and two different lenses... this thing is like an antique... cuz i didn't even know we owned it... well by we i mean my dad... and it was obviously very expensive... but i took it out and looked it over good and got super excited... cuz heck it's mine now!! ...no but i'm super excited to get this sucker out in action... but i gotta buy film first! we have NO film in this whole house cuz we are all digitalized now i guess... but i'm stoked

plus my laptop comes from ups tomorrow, so i'm also stoked about that - i get to get out of my worst hated class to come home and wait for the ups guy - cuz we are never home when they come, so they said this is the last time they come and if no one is home they are sending it back to the plant.... so i gotta leave school to be home from when they told us they might come...... so that's good... no quizz for me.

anyways... i found a sweet camera, did i mention?

okay so quick sweet story...
so i was playing ultimate frisbee with all the guys from church last night and we were playing on the soccer/football field... but we were playing sideways on the field so the sun wouldn't be in our eyes... and there is about a waist high fense that goes around it... bad news already, right... keep reading... so i was going for a touchdown pass... ya know running one way, but looking behind me to see where the frisbee was going to land..... well i see it ... see it... running... sprinting... then i leap to catch it... i LEAPED... and what do you know... FENCE!!! yeah... sudden stop. and it was one of those fences with triangle pointies at the top... so basically i flew over the fence... well i was still hanging on it... then i got up and finished the game... we played for another couple hours... oh, and i definately caught the frisbee!
okay... but now a day later and my rib cage is swollen to the max! i'm not even joking... its black with bruises... the bruising goes down to my hips... my whole ribs/stomach/hips area kills with pain... it's so intense...

...you have no idea what i just did... okay so you know the rule that in the winter you don't stick your tongue to cold metal? well i guess because it's not winter anymore, i forgot that rule............ and before i had left for the weekend i'd put some ice cream in the freezer and just put my spoon in there with it... so i just pulled it out and immediately put the spoon in my mouth - only it got attatched to my lip, and my first reaction was to instantly pull it off... so i look in the mirror, and blood is just gushing from my entire bottom lip.... like the whole length of it was totally ripped apart... dude... that hurt